NATURE

 

people always say, “Oh, nature’s brilliant, isn’t it, I love nature,” but, I tell you what, I’m bloody sick of nature, it’s just bloody boring, it’s just the same old bloody stuff day in day out, ooh plants, water, fucking air, it’s shit, oh yeah, and shit, that’s nature, which is fucking shit, and fucking pigeons, I fucking hate pigeons, and fucking seagulls, with that fucking squawking sound they make, it’s just fucking annoying, isn’t it about time we had some new birds, I mean it’s just lazy isn’t it, never doing anything new, just relying on stuff you did in the past, I mean, it’s not like any of us could just say, “Oh, sorry, I’m not doing any work today because I, like, did all my work, like, billions of years ago or whatever, and now I’m just going to sit on my arse, and do fuck all,” I mean, wouldn’t it would be nice, just once, to be surprised, to be like, “Oh, there’s a fucking lion walking down my street!” or, you know, an animal with, like, five faces or whatever, that would be all right, but instead all we fucking get are fucking dogs and cats and fucking pigeons, I wouldn’t even mind if they ever did anything interesting, or helped out a bit, but when did a dog or a cat ever do anything interesting or help out a bit, all they ever fucking do is make more fucking mess, it’s fucking bullshit, you know